Ahhhh the life of a Penis

There are various memes on the Internet about this particular member of the society. Well, a life of a Penis is not an easy one. It gets hard all of a sudden for no reason whatsoever. He's like "Dude... look at all that ass and all them titties. Let's see if we can touch that... Aaaaaand it's hard. Just like that. I was just minding my own business until the Penis said... Let's fuck things up. I wanna party. Wait... What is that bitch doing over there? Yeah, let's go over there and say hi. Hello, pretty lady...? 

How are you? Hey listen up... I'm a salesman of a used product. Second hand but it's pretty solid. Doesn't malfunction unless you don't know what you're doing and I have drunk a whole lot of alcohol. Also, when I have to take a piss, I will stop doing you because I don't wanna piss all over you. Unless that's your thing ofcourse but you can forget about the goodbye kiss bitch. Nope. My lips aren't going nowhere near something that has touched the actual piss. 

Also bitch do brush your teeth VERY hard if you want to suck on my dick and get jizzed on in your face. 'Cause I don't wanna taste my own cum. I know you bitches are nasty and you do whatever you want but no.... Yes you can taste your pussy but no mouth to mouth with cum or ass to mouth. Wash your mouth with soap for all I care before I kiss you.

There will be no Patricia Paay or R. Kelly antics in my house. Nope. Don't wanna have that. Keep your shit and piss in the toilet. Where it belongs. My dick is meant to go into three holes. Your pussy, your mouth and your asshole if you are not too tight. I don't wanna get no aids neither so I will use a jimmy for that one. But also if I don't know you very well. I don't wanna get aids or some other fucked up disease. 

That's the life of a Penis. It's just looking for trouble. Constantly. It's like the Penis has no brains. I guess the old saying thinking with your dick is true.  The Penis just gets hard for no reason whatsoever in the morning because you have to take a piss. The Penis is your best friend and yet your worst enemy. It's like dude is not even aware of the things he is causing or might cause. Keep your Penis in check, gentlemen. 

We are already an endangered species with the rise of the Feminazis and they will use that pussypower to cast a spell on your Penis so you are clueless about what you are doing. Obviously the Penis has no brains at all but when you also are under a spell of the Pussy Magick ( TM) then we as Penis owners (the couple of us who are still a proud owner of a Penis) should gather around and sing Kumbayah My Lord Kumbayah. With them marshmallows around a campfire. Singing "Say Something" by Justin Timberlake. 

The Penis stock is plummeting due to the above mentioned organized group of the Feminazis and it's time we take back the reigns. Taking things in own hands (pun intended) as God has meant it. Either that or no pussy. Be strong brothers. Be strong. The Pussy Creature is luring us away from our true purposes. The Pussy Creature has sucked all the life out of the current Penises and they are tired and red. The members of our group have been mistreated. They have been spat on, jerked around. been in dark holes without ending and light where there was cold and spooky. I'm talking about exploring space, mannnnnn. Creating life where life in new areas. Private Dick reporting for duty sir. Ah you young grasshoppa Penis. You are so stupid. Thinking with your war helmet on. Being all of the time. Take a chill pill.

One small step for a Penis, but a giant step for Peniskind. Now there will be some bagpipes playing while saluting in Schottish traditional gear. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones carrying loaded guns and ready to shoot in the air when the General gives the sign. The ones where you can freeze your nuts off with a frosty wind. One breeze and mister Penis has gone all turtleneck style. Brrrrr it's cold out there. Let me just get some shelter right here next to my buddies Balls and Asshole. 

What up, A? How you been? Is it cold there in the Southside as well? Mannnnnn, up here in the North it's freeeeeezing. Balls! Baaaaaalls! Can you hang in there a bit? Why are you so blue and shriveled like a prune? Balls? Balls????? Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalls???? Oh nooooooooo.... Give some morphine to Balls!!!!! Put a warm blanket on him, he might be able to survive! Balls! Balls!!!! Can you still hear me out there buddy? Hang in there bud... When you survive, and I know you will because you are tough... When you survive you'll get a nice juicy steak. All warm and steamy. Just the way you like it, Balls... So buddy... Let's contact the headquarters, hold on.

Penis to Brain inside the carrier. Penis to Brain inside carrier. We have a critical situation. Do not ask me how I can think at this moment but I have no time to explain now... This is not a drill. Brain, listen to me very carefully. Because I shall say this only once (French accent on once). Get the carrier to inhale some of that good stuff. Some of that sticky icky. I'll report back in 5 minutes on the Balls situation but I think we may have saved him for now. Roger out.

And then... Penis, Balls and Asshole happily lived after. Doing what they do best. Asshole still talking shit. No sense is getting out of there. That one is stubbern too, bwoy. The human carrier told him yeah why don't you try something new but that son of a bitch refuses to take in anything you say to him. Doesn't even want to try anal. He say it makes him sick and he just constantly wants to throw up . Balls has recovered and is now a stunt actor in films like Jackass and TV shows like America's Funniest Home Videos. After what he survived, Balls decided to make a living off of his mishaps and is now a multimillionaire living in Hollywood. His Hollywood name is Rob Schneider. 

And the Penis? Well... The Penis is still just chilling and getting in trouble from time to time. Ahhhhh, young Penis hopper. When you are old and wise like your carrier,  you will get the true meaning of life, Penis-san. Now wax on wax off. Eh eh ehhhhhh. Nope. Note like that. Penis. Behave. Think about what you could have done with all that energy spent. Bad Penis. No soup for you. 

That's the sad reality of the Penis. Hard and cruel. Like to party alot with different type of girls. Not thinking. Fucking shit up and then going. Penis... From now on... You will be on surveillance. We have multiple eyes focussed on you so your gig is up, Penis. Settle down, Penis. You thought you were beaten up  and spat on before? Guess again. That is cookie dough. In the slammer... Haha... In the slammer you might get REALLY in a bad shape. They might even murder you, you young and clueless Penis. Don't go chasing waterfalls, Penis.